Everything I Wanted

When I see it I pause, stunned by the initial excitement and wonder of ‘something new’ that vibrates through my entire body. I sink lower to inspect – what is this? The discovery of these tiny new things ignites the eager child within.

Look! Look what I found – do you see it?

But there is no one near to share my finding with. A feeling of emptiness floods over me; the brakes slammed on my buzz. I think of McCandless and that line he wrote down –  happiness, only real when shared. I acknowledge the truth in that. 

But, no mind, we all have these computerized memory capturing devices in our pockets and I remember mine. I pull it out to take a picture. See, I did see this. I have the receipt. 

My curiosity returns as I crouch closer to get a detailed view. I observe its shape and form and consider its gummy bear texture a delight. How lucky I am to have noticed it, to have noticed something I have never seen before. How many things have I passed over; how many things have I missed? The thought is almost painful because the answer is so immense.

But this jelly fungus, previously unknown to me, I have found. 

I consider how intricate, complicated and vast the composition of the universe is, how there is just so much. And I am here, at this point on the timeline, on this planet, where everything has happened just so, so that all these different worlds, landscapes, and lifeforms are present and intertwining around me. And under my feet.

All these things, they string me along. Breadcrumbs fed to keep up hope for the discoveries of tomorrow. 

And it’s absolutely bonkers that we can be of witness to them. With our longing hearts, inquiring minds, and complex nervous system we can actually perceive the universe. We can see it, and sometimes I just can’t get over that. 

So, often – while moving along a woodland path or strolling through my yard
I tilt my head completely upward.
I can no longer see my extremities.
I have no body, no physical form.
Slow and steady
I am a gliding orb – a lens of creation. 

-c-

“Standing on the bare ground, – my head bathed by the blithe air, and uplifted into infinite space, – all means of egotism vanishes. I become a transparent eyeball; I am nothing; I see all; the currents of the Universal Being circulate through me; I am part or particle of God.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nature

Recommended Track: Garden Song – Phoebe Bridgers